Apple dumplings, aka how I'm giving myself diabetes as quickly as possible

I made the apple dumplings from Pioneer Woman today. I and a group of friends went to a local Pho place for dinner, and apparently I ordered the worst thing on the menu because it was disgusting. I ate maybe a fourth of my meal before giving up and moping. So when we got back to our friend's apartment, I decided to make the apple dumplings to make up for the dinner.

I had planned on making them the previous night, when there were eight people in this apartment. But we got back from game night late, no one was really that hungry, I wasn't in the mood to cook, and it didn't happen. Tonight, there were five of us there: Boyfriend Bird, Jujyfruits Bird, .Hack Bird, and Challah Bird. I knew we had enough to make more than one serving of the dumplings, but I decided to just make them all, thinking that maybe we'd have leftovers. I was really hoping this would mean I would get to eat five of these.

I should not have wished for this.

So we made them. They smelled wonderful, Challah Bird and I kept opening the oven to sniff them. And then they were done, and we did some quick math. There were 24 dumplings, and five of us. That was almost five per person! But we decided to do four apiece, and let people fight for the extra.

I knew how rich they were. I had eaten them last weekend. And I knew I had been on a diet for a few months, and hadn't eaten anything nearly that sugary since I had started. In retrospect, there were plenty of warnings that I shouldn't eat as many of these as I did.

I ate all four of mine. Most of my friends proved they weren't as foolish as I and only ate three. As soon as I put my spoon down, I realized I felt slightly queasy. And for the rest of the night I hugged my stomach, being torn between wishing I hadn't eaten them all, and knowing that there were more sitting in the kitchen and remembering how delicious they were.

As delicious as they are, maybe I'll wait a few months before I make more.

Apple Dumplings from Pioneer Woman, modified slightly
(Serves 6, approximately $4.93 per serving)
Ingredients

2 granny smith apples

2 cans crescent rolls

12 tablespoons butter

1.5 cup white sugar

1 teaspoon vanilla

1 teaspoon cinnamon

1 cup mountain dew

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350.
   
2. Peel and core apples. Cut into 8 slices each.
   
3. Roll each apple slice in a crescent roll, and place in pan.
   
4. Melt butter, and add sugar. Barely stir.
   
5. Add vanilla, stir in slightly.
   
6. Pour mixture over apple rolls. Pour Mountain Dew around edges of pan.
   
7. Sprinkle with cinnamon.
   
8. Bake for 35-40 minutes.
   

Today's lesson learned:

• Only ever eat two apple dumplings.